Also known as Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, it’s the term we use to describe a cluster of symptoms that adults who have experienced chronic, ongoing trauma (like childhood trauma) tend to have as a result of what they went through. It can include things like struggling with emotional regulation, hypervigilance, nightmares, self-worth, interpersonal relationships, emotional flashbacks, triggers, and so much more!

The Cool Part: Now we have a name for all those pesky symptoms you’ve probably been experiencing all your life thinking they were normal (they’re not).

The Not So Cool Part: It’s not yet officially recognized as a diagnosis for insurance purposes (in the US anyway) - which means that there may not be a whole lot of therapists who are trained to treat it.

Ahh, narcissism - this term is FLYING around the internet so fast and so much these days that I can barely keep up. What used to once be reserved for a “personality disorder” (aka NPD, or Narcissistic Personality Disorder) is now part of our commonplace language, often used for just about any person someone doesn’t like. However, to trauma survivors, this word has an entirely different meaning. From my perspective in my work with clients, growing up with a narcissistic parents is truly about having parents who put their own self interests above that of their children…again, and again, and again, in all kinds of ways. This might have looked like having a parent who was always in competition with you (gross), looked at you as an extension of themselves (also gross), used you as a way to get their own needs met (ugh), and many other damaging behaviors.

Narcissists can also have a tendency to never apologize (or give a terrible, not-really-an-apology-apology); they also aren’t able to experience true empathy for others and lack the capability for true self-reflection (it’s me, hi, I’m the problem it’s me ♫), which is what makes it so dang hard for those people to change. I like to think about narcissism as a spectrum, with some individuals being higher in narcissism than others.

The Cool Part: Now we have a better understanding of what the f*** was happening during our childhood, which feels validating.

The Not So Cool Part: If we had a narcissistic parent (or grew up in a narcissistic family system), we may have some healing to do. Womp womp!

And P.S., because I know you’re probably thinking it -if you can actually ask yourself the question “am I a narcissist?” with thoughtful self-reflection, you’re probably not one*.

[*Very uncool, unfun disclaimer because my lawyer says I have to - this is for educational purposes only and does not constitute diagnosis, therapy, or the establishment of a therapeutic relationship.]

Another one that seems to fly around the internet like there’s no tomorrow! No, a trigger is NOT when you’re just upset or annoyed by something. For trauma survivors, it goes much deeper. The way that I think about it is this: a trigger is some sort of stimuli that takes us back to some time in the past - to the point where we’re actually re-living it. What does that mean? Well, have you ever had an interaction with someone (maybe a parent) that takes you right back to feeling like a powerless little kid again? You might have been triggered!* When we get triggered, we’re not in the present - I mean sure, our feet are, but our head isn’t. Instead, we’re re-living something we’ve experienced before - which means the way that we’re thinking, feeling, and acting may resemble the way we thought, felt, and acted when it happened before.

The Cool Part: Now that we know what this is, we can start to see how our triggers may be impacting how we show up in our present day life (which means we can change it!).

The Not So Cool Part: Getting triggered on a frequent basis can be really disruptive to our lives, which can feel really frustrating.

[*Again, very uncool, unfun disclaimer that this is education and not therapy]

Contrary to what the internet might have you believe, gaslighting is not just anytime someone says something you don’t like! Gaslighting is a form of psychological manipulation where the person makes you question your own thoughts, feelings, experiences, or sanity (often used by a narcissistic parent as a defense mechanism, or sometimes just for their own sick entertainment or to make themselves feel more powerful). When we think about gaslighting in the context of childhood trauma, it may show up as a parent saying something like “that never happened, you’re remembering it wrong” or “you’re not upset with me, you’re upset about [insert other thing you’re definitely not actually upset about here]”. What makes gaslighting tricky in the context of childhood trauma is that children trust their parents - and when their parent gaslights them about their reality, the child has no choice but to believe the parent. This results in an adult who has a hard time trusting their own thoughts, feelings and perceptions and often may look to others to tell them what their experience should be.

The Cool Part: Again, we’ve got more words to describe what the f*** happened to us growing up.

The Not So Cool Part: If this happened to us growing up, I’ve got bad news for you - we’ve got more healing to do.